The Leadership Pattern No One Talks About

After twenty-seven years of working with high-performing teams — both inside organizations and now as a coach — I’ve discovered a pattern that shows up in more than 90% of leaders I work with.

They are waiting for permission to lead.

Instead of trusting their instincts, they spend their energy trying to fit in.
Instead of speaking up, they stay quiet.
Instead of standing out, they play small.

And here’s the hard truth: you cannot lead if you’re still trying to fit in.

Leadership Means Standing Out

Leadership isn’t about blending into the group. It’s about stepping forward, taking someone’s hand, and guiding them toward a shared goal.

That requires courage.

It requires you to be different, to voice your ideas, to hold space when others stay silent.

But when we peel back the layers in my Elevated Leadership program (4-Month Intensive Leadership Development Program), we find that most people hold back for one reason: fear.

Not fear of failure.

Fear of judgment.

Fear of what “they” will say — colleagues, neighbors, old friends, even family.

And yet here’s the paradox:

“They” are not thinking about you at all. They’re too busy thinking about themselves.

Still, we allow the idea of their judgment to hold us back from the very things we feel called to do.

The Shift That Changes Everything

Inside Elevated Leadership, I watch this breakthrough happen every single time.

I ask participants to consider:

What if your silence, your hesitation, your decision to stay small is actually preventing someone else from learning what they need to learn from you?

What if you holding back is costing them the growth, inspiration, or opportunity they need to move forward?

When leaders realize that their fear of “they” is actually keeping them from serving the “them,” something powerful happens:

They stop waiting for permission.
They start showing up differently.
They shine.

And when they shine, the results are undeniable — promotions, new opportunities, increased revenue, innovative ideas finally brought to life.

Your Invitation

So here’s my challenge to you this week:

What if today, you gave yourself permission to lead?

Not just for you — but for the people who need you to go first.

There are people in your world right now who need your insight, your courage, your voice. And every day you wait, you’re not only holding yourself back, you’re holding them back.

If you’re not ready to do it for yourself yet, do it for them.

Because the world doesn’t need another person trying to fit in. It needs someone brave enough to stand out.

Let’s lead the charge this week, together — in love and light.

Rudi 

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